Being fat in an unloved community: Are we deserving of a fairytale ending ?

being fat and lesbian

Love is difficult enough without having physical constraints that prevent good first impressions.

As a lesbian, it is harder to find your soulmate. We are limited in our small community and having to work with a bare minimum is always a challenge. Does the fairy tale ending exist for us ? I have spent many sleepless nights consumed by diving into my imagination of spending moments with my soulmate. Like many women, I dream of a wedding filled with sharing love and happiness with friends and family. It wasn’t until in the early hours of Thursday morning that I had decided to watch an episode of Australian ‘Married at First Site’. I fell upon a lesbian couple called Amanda and Tash.

Credit Alice Zoo

Their wedding melted my heart. The smiles, the giggles, the happiness all around was magical; it gave hope to women like me. As the episodes developed, I was thoroughly disappointed that it turned out to have one of the women behave in a typical lesbian manner. By typical lesbian manner I am insinuating to the fact that everything is a five minute wonder. As I thought that I had lost all hope once more, I found it in Amanda. A beautiful soul that resonated with my very core. She was kind, honest, loyal and caring. The woman who would catch you whenever you fall and would wipe your tears of sadness into tears of joy. The woman who would carry your pain and burden just so she could see you smile. Amanda is everything I look for in a woman. I was so overwhelmed by her inner beauty that I wrote her a message on Facebook.

 

Please hear me out as I can imagine you must receive a million and one messages.

 

I watched you on ‘Married at First Sight’. I was desperately trying to find a glimpse of hope that lesbians do have their fairy tale ending. The day of your wedding brought a moment of hope within myself. Hope that I too, would find the woman that would walk the path of life side by side, hand in hand ready to catch her if she falls. As I continued watching, I found myself disappointed by how someone such as Tash could be immensely ungrateful, disrespectful and brutally ignorant to the fact that she has the chance to build a beautiful life long relationship with a woman I spend my days daydreaming about. I wanted to thank you though it might come across a little unusual. A thank you for giving lesbians such as myself  the belief that there are good, honest, kind, caring and loving women out there. It’s so terribly difficult in this day and age to find a soul who is willing to connect. If you were in London, I’d have most probably joined the long queue of women who would be honoured to treat you to a stunning dinner in good company. London hasn’t got sunny beaches but there’s nothing more romantic than a rainy walk by the Thames. I hope that you find the woman that you are looking for and chin up ! We only live once so make it a good one. 

 

Lots of love from London x

 

She replied with the ultimate two big pink heart emojis followed by two prayer hands as a thank you with:

 

Much love and thanks for taking the time for sharing this.

 

Those eleven simple words drew the biggest smile on my face. What a kind person to take the time to reply when I can only imagine how inundated with messages she must receive on a daily basis. 

 

Watching her on tv and having her reply to my message gave me the motivation to finally buy a juicer. It is time for me to get back into shape and to wipe away the depression into turning that dreadful word into one of self motivation, achievement and to love thyself. The expression ‘how can you expect someone to love you when you don’t love yourself’ is untrue. People find beauty in our very being through our darkest moments. We might not appreciate how we look, we might struggle with whatever issues we encounter mentally and physically but at the end of the day we are all deserving of a fairy tale ending. The lesbian community is very judgemental on appearances and unfortunately, for many of us who struggle with weight, we are not considered worthy of being acknowledged. Weight is a momentarily obstacle in perhaps being the cause of mental health problems, medical issues or any other reason one might find themselves not socially agreeable and accepted by society. I have questioned myself too many times due to comments and criticism thrown at me because I am a size 18. I am that fat friend who makes everyone laugh, who’s loyal and willing to be there for you no matter what. My weight should not be someone’s first impression to define me but it is. To all those big, bold and beautiful women out there who are struggling with accepting how they look, just remember that for every rejection you receive it is a step closer to finding the right one. I smile at rejection as I know that I am closer to finding the woman who will make my heart skip a beat. Our fairytale ending is round the corner so enjoy what life has to offer and make it a bloody damn good one!

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