Sex: that basic human need we know too little about

It’s hard to believe that we often talk about our physiological needs (for food, water, sleep, air), but hardly ever do we talk about sex thoughtfully or cleverly.

We regularly say or hear things like, “I just had a salad for lunch, now I’m starving.”

“Sparkling water? Not for me, I’d rather have spring water, though tap water is the best for me.”

“I couldn’t sleep last night. I’m so sleepy right now I can barely keep my eyes open.”

What about our sex lives? We never mention our sexual needs or habits with anybody but very few super-close friends. We’re consistent with the rule that wants sex to be unspoken. If you dare to talk about sex, you are a pig, a pervert, rude, disgusting, and sick. So you know it’s not polite to talk about sex, it’s wrong. If you do speak about it, you will go to hell! Oh, dear…

When it comes to your sleeping problems or tummy troubles, you feel at ease talking about it because you know it is socially accepted. What you do or don’t do in your bedroom is nobody’s business but yours.

If we talked better and more about sex, we could supposedly experience and enjoy sex with no prejudice, no fear, no ignorance, and no violence. If preteens started having sex education at school, there would be less unwanted pregnancies and sexual abuse.

Presumably, there would be shared higher awareness of one’s hormone wars. Everybody deserves to know how to handle their own instinct, feelings, up-and-downs, as well as the difference between decency and shame.

Our society is still profoundly sexophobic. Those who awarely enjoy sex, its pleasureful and healthy benefits, are not the majority. The simple word “sex” bothers quite a few people, both straight and LGBT+. Religion and internalized homophobia have caused some serious damage. Those who, in 2020, still feel uncomfortable with sex, undoubtedly have more than a problem with it.

Those who don’t have pretty much active sex lives are not morally or psychologically superior. In most cases, they are repressing something they consider “dirty” or “wrong” while criticizing those who have happy sex lives. While the former think they do the right thing when refraining from having sex, the latter are not morally deprecable people just because they enjoy it.

Whether you eat/sleep/drink/fuck a lot or not, you are and always will be more than that. As long as nobody gets hurt, how bad can it be if you are okay with the life and habits you have? Sex is just a natural, physical need like many others. But it’s even more. Having sex on a regular basis is good for your physical and mental health. What’s there to be ashamed of?

We need to unlearn what we were taught when we were too young to even peel an apple by ourselves. It’s not easy to change one’s mindset, nor is it to take a different perspective on such remarkable aspects of life as sex. Yet, when we realize that it’s the beliefs we hold on to that often ruin it all, we finally decide to stop believing and start thinking, questioning, learning—and living free from prejudice.

Alessandro Cozzolino, LGBT+ coach

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