My whole world came falling down in silence and there was no one there to help cushion the fall.
We walk the streets of London on our way to work every morning. We either wait at the bus stop or we queue to enter the tube. As we stand there, we stand amongst our fellow Londoners. Some dressed in suits ready for work in the city and others in their uniforms. We stand in silence as we await our destination, holding the railings or sitting down,our eyes firmly on the ground. Do you stop to think what might go on in the lives of those that surround you on your daily morning routine ? I sit there and I look at every single person and I try to imagine what their lives might be like. By the expression people carry, nine times out of ten you can tell if they are in muddy waters. I sit quietly, observing my surroundings and imagine if anyone can see the cry for help in my expression. A longing for someone to put their hand around me and to say ‘I understand how you feel’. I suffer from mental health; I was finally re-diagnosed correctly in 2018. I suffer from major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder and emotional unstable personality disorder.
I picture a national holiday where people would stop and ask those around them if they need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to. I can imagine walking down Oxford Street and a young man stops to ask if I am in need of assistance. I kindly reply ‘yes’ and divulge my story. From struggling to cope with the intensity and sensitivity of my emotions I have never felt so alone since the passing of a lady I considered and called mum for 27 years. It was a cold and rainy Sunday afternoon when I received an unexpected call from a bother I no longer had contact with. That call would be the beginning of the end of my happiness. I was informed that mum was in hospital dying of liver cancer. From that day on until five weeks later when her soul departed this earth, I had never truly understood the meaning of life, love and irreparable heartbreak. My mental health having been under control for the last couple of years spiralled out of control silently. Though I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel I wished to remain in my whirlpool of misery and pain. The pain reminded me everyday of how life can give and take whenever it pleases.
Alone more than ever, I was surrounded by people but people who did not understand the devastation mental health can have on a person if the warning signs are not noticed. Too many people suffer in silence and many suffer alone. Loneliness is a killer and with having to cope with the extra dilemmas that roam in our minds, it is forever more an insurmountable obstacle to be achieved unescorted. From having committed two suicide attempts to having recovered and learning how to cope with daily struggles; I urge every single person reading this article to take the time and to ask and to observe those around us who just might be screaming for help in silence.
